Thing about having kids is, there’s always someone around who’s totally got your back.
It’s all about having someone who loves you, no matter what, and thinks you’re brilliant – even when you’re not.
Take this conversation, between me and Flea, last night on the way home from school.
Flea: Mummy, can I ask a difficult question?
Me: Sure, go on.
Flea: Well, I was wondering, if you wanted to get another baby because I’d really like a brother or sister.
Now, a baby isn’t on my immediate to-do list, for all sorts of reasons. But how to explain this to my daughter in a sensitive, age appropriate way?
Me: No. Besides how do you GET a baby?
Flea: Well, aren’t there any orphanages nearby?
Me: Seriously? No. If you wanted me to HAVE a baby, I’d have to find a man I liked enough to have a baby with. Did Mummy and Daddy Laid an Egg teach you nothing?
Flea: I know. Babies come from your egg tubes. But I’d quite like to have two fathers.
Me: Well, I’ve no plans to get married again, sorry about that.
Flea: Are you too old?
Me: No. Not technically.
Flea: Is it because nobody will marry you because you’re a bad cook?
Honestly, I don’t even know where to start with THAT one. So many incorrect gender assumptions in one, small sentence. As well as the incorrect assessment of my cooking ability. Honestly! You make one batch of cookies that get mistaken for cat sick and some people never let you forget it. Anyway, given the direction this conversation was headed I opted for my usual technique – distraction, or what I call the, “Look, there’s a squirrel!” school of parenting.
Me: Would you rather have a baby or a puppy?
Flea: A puppy!
Problem solved.
