Things I have learned this Summer.

Apparently, some twonk in government thinks summer holidays should be shorter, so kids don’t slip back in their ‘learning’.

Nonsense.

Summer is always educational in our house. And not just for Flea. I’ve learned some very useful life lessons this summer. For example:

  • When staying in a mobile home, you may be tempted to quickly change from t-shirt and shorts to swimsuit in the lounge (with the curtains closed). If you do this, be sure to tell your child not to cheerfully throw open the door if a male, 20-something rep knocks on it.
  • Don’t let your child watch Pitch Perfect on her tablet to keep her entertained on a flight. Because she will OBVIOUSLY quote it against you. For example, an elderly lady might chat to your child on the plane and mention that her legs are tired and your 7-year-old might smile angelically and say, “Well, at least it isn’t HERPES” at the top of her voice.
  • If travelling by ferry early in the morning, don’t get into the queue to board the ferry then momentarily close your eyes. Because you’ll awake with a start, 20 minutes later, to find your car battery is flat, and you have to let EVERY other car board ahead of you while the ferry staff find a truck to give you a jump start.

  • When enjoying a quiet child-free few days at home, if your ex-husband and your mother arrive at the front door, don’t shove a new friend into the back garden so he can sneak out to his car without checking first to see if the garden gate (6 feet high) is padlocked. The upside is that some men really are surprisingly agile.
  • When going down a fast water slide at a water park, cross EVERYTHING, not just your fingers. I’m not going into details but I will just say “internal injuries” and tell you it was hours before Flea stopped asking awkward questions.
  • Don’t tell your colleagues when you’re being filmed by a religious programme’s camera crew at your desk because they will invariably send you pictures of cats doing unspeakable things to one another.

 

We hope your summer is proceeding in a manner every bit as dignified as ours.

 

About 

Sally is a full-time blogger and founder of the HIBS100, Foodies100 and Tots100 - an online community of more than 15,000 UK bloggers. She is also a busy single Mum to Flea, the world's coolest eight year old.

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22 Comments

  1. Carrie says

    LOL. Perhaps your funniest post ever. (So good it ALMOST makes me quit being jealous of all the amazing adventures you and Flea have enjoyed this summer.) :)

  2. Dawn Frazier says

    Thank you for making me smile! Our gate is always padlocked too so I will be taking note of that, in case I ever want to sneak anyone out that way :-)

    • says

      I should stress this isn’t an everyday occurrence. It was just one of those, “Do I want to introduce this friend to my family?” sort of moments…

    • says

      Flea and I did some filming with a Sunday morning current affairs show – the clip’s on YouTube if you hunt it down.

  3. Chloe Napier-Jones says

    Absolutely LOVE your blogs & there never seems to be a dull moment in your lives.

    Hope you enjoy the rest of your summer & I look forward to reading about it.

    X

  4. says

    This post had me in stitches!

    It also reminds me of my single days, when I was the “friend” trying to sneak out of someones house before they woke up. His front door was locked, his dogs wouldn’t shut up. So I let myself into the back garden, not realising he had no back gate. So I climbed onto a 6 foot fence (in 5 inch stilettos – WHILST still drunk) and wedged myself on top of the fence, between the walls of his house and his next door neighbours. I did a jump and an army roll off the fence and onto his neighbours front drive. I waited for a bus at the end of the road, wondering why everyone was staring at me. Clearly my fence climbing wasn’t as stealthy as I’d imagined… my arms were covered in blood! Worst part was, the guy called me later to tell me I’d left my jacket there – so I had to go back and get it! He quickly went from “Friend” to “Acquaintance”.
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