Not a great day.

Happy Flea's had some ongoing minor health concerns these past few months.

Yesterday was a long-awaited appointment with the paediatric consultant, and I was (to be honest) a bag of nerves. I always imagine in such situations that the consultant is clearly going to note that my child is malnourished, mentally scarred or otherwise damaged by my attempts at parenting, and I'm going to get 'told off'.

Of course, this being the NHS, there was a long wait for our appointment and Flea had read her school book in the first five minutes and needed to entertain herself.

So she did.

She found a copy of Lancashire Life magazine, opened it up to the food pages, carefully placed the magazine on the floor and announced, "I am a dog and I am going to eat my treats now, and then you have to tell me to stop eating treats or I will get poorly."

Then she crawled under the chairs and proceeded to pretend to eat from a magazine, scratch her ears and generally behave like a dog for the next 30 minutes.

I was relieved when finally the consultant popped his head round the door and called Flea's name. Or at least I was until I realised that Flea wasn't standing up. She was walking to the consulting room on all fours. And WOOFING a hello to the consultant.

The next 30 minutes was one of the longest half-hours of my life. The consultant and two student doctors watched as my daughter woofed and panted, and refused to move or comply with any request unless the consultant used the word 'paw' and 'leg' instead of 'hand' and 'arm'. While the consultant was palpating her tummy, my daughter stuck out her tongue and panted.

The good news is that Flea was judged to be "perfectly healthy and normal."

So I'm assuming that all five-year-olds do this sort of thing. Right?

About 

Sally is a full-time blogger and founder of the Tots100, Trips100, Foodies100 and HIBS100 communities, along with the MAD Blog Awards. She spends a bit too much time on the Internet. She's also a very happy Mum to Flea, the world's coolest ten year old.

31 Comments

  1. 16th February 2011 / 10:58 am

    Yeah.
    (What you want to hear is going to be as helpful as anything else, I assume 🙂 )

  2. 16th February 2011 / 10:59 am

    I’m guessing I really shouldn’t be laughing at this, sorry!
    It could be worse though, she could be a monkey

  3. nicola cooper-abbs
    16th February 2011 / 11:00 am

    Ah but she’s been medically signed off so it MUST be normal.

  4. 16th February 2011 / 11:06 am

    If its any consolation at all, my 4-year-old son had his eyes tested again yesterday, whilst pretending to be a snake. Have you any idea how hard it is for a snake to have his eyes tested? For a start, snakes don’t speak, and my son insisted on flicking his tongue and hissing every 10 seconds. He also left the consulting room on his tummy, and slithered all the way through the waiting room. He stood up when I pointed out that snakes aren’t allowed in the shop, and don’t eat sweets.
    He was a lion at the paediatricians the other week, has been a dog, a cat, and various Doctor Who monsters, including the day he was a Cyberman when getting a canula inserted, and kicked the doctor in the chin, making him bite through his tongue.
    Apparantley (according to my health visitor, who came round to see my giraffge the other day) it shows a healthy and active imagination. Am still not sure if she was just saying that to make me feel better tho.

  5. 16th February 2011 / 11:08 am

    Perfectly normal with a side of fantastic imagination.

  6. Nikki
    16th February 2011 / 11:34 am

    Really sorry Sally but that’s hilarious!! As is the snake trip. Brilliant. All perfectly normal – Jenni likes to be the dog too and is always panting, licking a plate or two and going round on all fours. Nowt wrong with that – she even wants to be a dog when she grows up.
    Great news that everything was ok though – not such a bad day….

  7. 16th February 2011 / 11:41 am

    My four year old gave the GP a kiss goodbye on our last visit.

  8. 16th February 2011 / 3:09 pm

    Absolutley brillaint and yes perfectly normal. Bog Boy is a dog most of the time esp when he comes to wake me up in the morning. I think he has learned I don’t get as cross with the dogs when they wake me up….

  9. 16th February 2011 / 8:11 pm

    Oh, that is hysterical! Thanks for sharing, I feel about a million times better.

  10. Unpacked Mummy
    16th February 2011 / 8:11 pm

    Hilarious! And perfectly normal, a sign of a very healthy imagination and sense of fun. Wish I’d been there to see it, I’d have been in stitches!

  11. 16th February 2011 / 8:12 pm

    Yes, overall, I’m happy with a day like that.

  12. 16th February 2011 / 8:12 pm

    You say these things just to tease me, don’t you, Pippa?

  13. 16th February 2011 / 8:12 pm

    She’s wonderfully creative and confident, isn’t she? And healthy! Just think of it as another opportunity to shed those pesky grown-up inhibitions… 😉

  14. 16th February 2011 / 8:13 pm

    The student doctors thought she was very funny, it has to be said.

  15. 16th February 2011 / 8:13 pm

    Ah yes, good point. She really is very confident in some situations, it’s lovely to see.

  16. 16th February 2011 / 8:30 pm

    When we went for the geekdaughter’s two and a half year development check there was a table set up with various toys for the kids to play with.
    She went straight in, spotted the tea set, proceeded to make tea for all of us, and handed me mine saying “there you go Mummy, if you want some more you have to drink all of that first”.
    The Health Visitor grinned at me and said “no problem with speech and vocabulary then!”.
    If she’s as imaginative as Flea when she reaches 5 I will be a very proud Mummy indeed. You have a lovely daughter 🙂

  17. 17th February 2011 / 8:52 pm

    Ha ha that’s excellent.
    My 5y/o likes to be a dog too which I used to think was quite cute until he licked one of my friends when they came to visit! I was absolutely mortified and they haven’t been round since lol.

  18. 18th February 2011 / 10:10 pm

    Aw, thanks, that’s a lovely thing to say!

  19. 18th February 2011 / 10:11 pm

    Absolutely – although I hope he was okay in the washing machine!

  20. 18th February 2011 / 10:11 pm

    Hmm. The teachers at Flea have forbidden her from licking. One day we were playing and I licked her, and she told me off! “Mummy, licking spreads germs, you know…”

  21. Aly
    22nd February 2011 / 7:00 am

    Only just read this *chuckles* she is a funny kid, bless her! I would rather have a child doing that than throwing and screaming.She has a great imagination and you should be proud of that.

  22. 25th February 2011 / 12:08 pm

    I’ve just stumbled upon this post…and it has made me giggle. I’m actually astounded at the level of imagination and intelligence to carry the ‘role’ through. I think you have a very, very clever girl there :)Brilliant xx

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