Monkey Porn – a new parenting low.

NotmonkeypornI think it’s well-established now that I’m not a morning person. That’s my excuse for what happened last week, and I’m sticking to it.

Now that Flea’s at school there’s another thing to remember in the mornings – show and tell. This week, though, I thought we had it sussed. We’d been to the South Lakes Wildlife Park at the weekend and had some lovely photos of the animals.

Things start badly when I realise the £35 ink cartridge I bought at Tesco doesn’t fit the printer. Cue lots of rummaging around in drawers before reverting to the time-honoured technique of ‘take the cartridge out and shake it about a bit’.

That sorted, I take the laptop upstairs to the office and fire up iPhoto. It was an unusually sunny morning, so there's a bit of glare on the screen, but I manage to find three decent photos of monkeys, and print them off. Stuffing them into Flea’s book-bag, I congratulate myself on my TOP parenting skills.

This warm feeling lasts until precisely 2pm when I start editing some photos for a client. “Oh, might as well go through those wildlife photos and delete the duds,” I think to myself.

I start scrolling through the photos. Funny, in that photo it almost looks like the monkeys are shagging. Ha! Crop the photo a bit. No, it really does look like they’re….I adjust the angle of the laptop to get a better view, and…oh Holy Mother of God, that monkey is being taken from behind. And in the next photo. Oh, and in that photo, too.

With a slow, horrifying sense of realisation, it dawns on me that – yes, I’ve sent my four-year-old to school with a series of pornographic monkey photos. I bet the teacher LOVED me, that day. 

About 

Sally is a full-time blogger and founder of the Tots100, Trips100, Foodies100 and HIBS100 communities, along with the MAD Blog Awards. She spends a bit too much time on the Internet. She's also a very happy Mum to Flea, the world's coolest ten year old.

19 Comments

  1. 18th October 2009 / 5:41 am

    Ah! That made me chuckle.

  2. leslieanne
    18th October 2009 / 11:02 am

    Brilliant 🙂
    Well, they all have to learn about the bitds and the bees eventually. And the monkeys.

  3. 18th October 2009 / 11:41 am

    Hilarious!

  4. 18th October 2009 / 12:52 pm

    Brilliant! But I can’t help wondering how she explained it to the children…:)

  5. 18th October 2009 / 3:08 pm

    Hahaha, is there any way the shagging could be mistaken for cuddles? No? Oh dear!

  6. 18th October 2009 / 6:25 pm

    let us know what questions Flea came home with ater shcool that day!

  7. 18th October 2009 / 6:42 pm

    Hee hee. Don’t we get to see the photos for ourselves?

  8. westendmum
    18th October 2009 / 7:41 pm

    You can’t palm us off with a lemur, show us the monkey porn…
    WEM

  9. Sarah Wolf
    18th October 2009 / 9:51 pm

    The monkeys are very good friends – cuddles you know…..
    Sally this was the best blog ever! Loved it as did everyone I read it to. Brilliant. Can’t wait for Flea and my 4 year-old-going-on-14-to meet……!!!

  10. Insomniac Mummy
    18th October 2009 / 11:18 pm

    Oh my good lord! Where is that Tena PR when I need her?
    Classic!

  11. Sarah Wolf
    19th October 2009 / 12:05 pm

    Please please find out what the teachers thought!!

  12. 19th October 2009 / 12:26 pm

    Brilliant. You have restored my sense of humour, which was sadly lacking after being woken up at 4.21am this morning! I can only picture the teacher’s face…

  13. 19th October 2009 / 10:28 pm

    When 2 massive dogs started humping in the park recently I told CJ “don’t worry, they’re just having a cuddle.” Then I started worrying what would happen next time me or her Dad asked for a cuddle…Fortunately she seems to have blanked it out!

  14. 21st October 2009 / 10:49 am

    Oops lol how did you manage to look the teacher in the eye.

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